Poem

As a few of you already know, I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, type 2. Basically, this means that I have the less extreme version of the disorder. Every now and then, sometimes more often than I would like to admit, I have a rather bad day or two. I have had a few of them recently. Per usual, Jeremy has been very supportive, and done his best to help me through the craziness that is my head at times like this. He found this poem posted online for me that I really liked, and it seemed to fit the way I have been feeling the past couple of days. I just wanted to share it with you all.

Bipolar
By:
Embracinghope
My moods swing like a child on a playground.
Back and forth; I fly.
Back and forth; I experience.
And as time carries me forward, I fall unhappily.
Only to be caught in the pools of depression.
And as I slowly climb to my feet, I’m brought into mania.
A fake happiness; a fake grin on my face.
I walk through a deep set of woods, awkward and alive.
Millions of thoughts run through my head.
I can’t capture one to read what they have said.
Too happy; I can fly.
Too happy; I’m magical.
I rise up only to fall back down again.
And when I’m normal, when I’m sane, is when I remember.
Flashbacks tear me down.
I’m remembering the thoughts’ sound.
And what I did.
I’m remembering everything.
Everything I want to forget…

And when I fall again,
All of the trees come tumbling down on top of me.
I’m carrying the world.
I feel so heavy.
And I open my eyes and I try to breathe.
But I can’t, I’m trapped in this misery.
Take me, take me.
I can’t go on like this.
Breathe me, breathe me.
I’m too sad to care.
And as times goes on, it seems to leave me behind.
My days are left uneventful.
And my nights are left with an alive mind.
I can’t control what is happening.
I didn’t do anything wrong.
I’m just losing myself.
In a world that isn’t mine…

And when I’m in the static of anger and irritably,
I fight; I snap at everyone and everything.
When death hovers over my mind like a storm cloud,
I think deeply and I wish and ponder on what this world would be like
without me.
I regret what I say; I don’t mean to hurt anyone. Sometimes I want to rip
out my own heart for having to do something so harsh.
And sometimes I am forgiven. Sometimes I dig too deep.
But with a mind like mine, I have to take precautions.
I have to watch myself.
So I don’t fall.
So I don’t rise to high.
So I don’t settle so comfortably.

And if you see me walking, with a stolen identity.
Say give that back, that’s not who you are.
I know you better then that.
I want to stay who I am and not be the storm in my brain.
I can’t let that happen, I can’t let myself go insane.
Not like that, no way.
And there are days when I wish I was normal.
Why can’t I be like those kids who don’t have to take medication?
Why can’t I be like those kids who aren’t crazy?
Why do I have to be me, locked up and shut out?
Why do I have to be me, an outcast and a loner?
And there are days when everything is OK.
And I can live a normal life.
But I have to be careful for my down side.
And the times when I feel a little more then alive.
But somewhere deep within me,
I know I can survive.

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